You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
