Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
