We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
