KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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