Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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