That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
