Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
