In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
