I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
