i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
