I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
