I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
