For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
