I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
