we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
