so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
