and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
