she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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