everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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