He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I understand Curling. That high.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize