The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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