Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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