my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
