; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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