What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
