Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
