You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
