He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
