ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
