Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
