I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
