please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize