somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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