dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
