I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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