dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
