I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All I want is dick and wine.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
