New low: just hacked my moms facebook
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
