Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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