I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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