We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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