last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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