Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
