there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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