There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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