I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
