Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
