Umm I'm too high to move.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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