the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
