whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
