How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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