If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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