4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
These tits shall not be calmed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
