ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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