i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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