you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize