He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
