let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
