Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
