and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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