my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
