addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
