im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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