dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
