Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
