Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
