Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm at about main and main street
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
