all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
