I just threw up on my dentist
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
